Do you always feel on edge around your children? Waiting for the next cry or problem that you can rush in and solve? While that may make you feel useful, it isn't really teaching your child how to handle life's ups and downs.
Some parents rush to serve every squeak and squawk from their kids. "I can't let my child feel pain!" said one dad. Parents, if you are giving way too much, find out why your parenting strategy may be one of the worst strategies ever.
I remember counseling with a teenager and her mom. The young girl sassed and criticized her principal, her teachers, and her family. She yelled if any of them said:
"Do your chores."
"Do your homework."
"You can't "hang out" with your friends."
Her mother revealed how her kid got so sassy:
"I've tried to please Suzy (not her real name) ever since she was a baby."
"I've given her everything she ever wanted."
"Maybe I shouldn't have done so much for her."
Bingo! Her mom hit the nail on the head. It's too bad she didn't realize it when her daughter was much younger. Now she had a tyrant on her hands.
I believe many parents know the right thing to do but can't quite bring themselves to be firm. Part of them believes if they don't ruffle any feathers their children will be wonderful and happy. The other part knows from their kid's selfish behavior that it isn't working.
If you want to raise a self-centered kid who will grow up to be a self-centered adult just:
Give your child everything
Expect nothing
Accept disrespect
Let your child tell you what to do
Forget you are the parent
Being firm takes backbone. Parents with backbone know that life isn't always easy. They prepare their children for life. They are both kind and firm because they:
Think before they speak
Say "No" and mean it
Act consistent and follow through
If you've been too kind and not firm, you can change. Expect your child to do everything possible to get you to be a doormat again. You'll need to suck in your breath and put up with even more hollering and disrespect. Be consistent and don't get caught up in your child's tantrums. It's the best way to change your worst parenting strategy ever into one that builds character.
Tantrums are about venting frustration, nothing more, nothing less. They are not indicative of how good or bad your parenting style is. Allowing your child to have a tantrum does not mean you have failed as a parent because you have not softened every splash of reality your child may experience. Your job is to teach your child not smother them.
Jean Tracy, MSS, "Granny Jean," invites you to subscribe to her FREE parenting newsletter, "Tips and Tools for Character Builders."
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