Is there such a thing as guilt-free parenting? Is it kind of like guilt-free chocolate? A nice idea but just not
possible!
There is so much talk of how guilty mothers feel about their children and the things that aren't or can't give them
that it almost feels obligatory. How can you be striving for the best for your child if you don't feel guilty about some part of their
upbringing?
Not long ago "bringing home the bacon" was the father's role but now working mothers are "bringing home the bacon" too. Today, 50% of the mothers in our country (with children living at home) are working full time and most experience the stress of trying to balance it all especially when it comes to parenting. Sound familiar?
The Only Way Working Mothers Can Have It All
Although working mothers bring home some of the bacon (and if you are a single mother all of the bacon), it hasn't changed the fact that most working mothers are literally cooking the bacon too.
In The Widening Gap: Why American Working Families are in Jeopardy and What Can Be Done About, Dr Jody Heymann found that 80% of women report doing far more of the household chores than their spouse. In addition to taking on more chores, it is common for working mothers to have unrealistic expectations of themselves--parenting perfectly and being the perfect career woman also.
When asked if it is possible for working mothers to have it all, I always answer, "Yes. It is possible for working mothers to have it all but only when they ask for and accept help."
The trouble is most working mothers have difficulty doing this--asking for help.
Preventing Working Mother Parenting Burnout
Even though most moms know it take a village to raise a child, most mothers don't ask their village for help. This puts undue pressure on moms and their families.
Three simple ways mothers can ask for help and prevent parenting burnout:
Parenting is a big job in and of itself. Get real. You can't do it all, by yourself. Realize that the best thing you can do for your family is to ask for help. Burning your candle at both ends only leads to burnout parenting!
Graciously accept help. When someone asks if they can help you, always answer "yes" and then figure out how. Let others in your life, especially your children and spouse, help you more. Remember to thank them and focus on what they did well so they will want to help you in future.
Find ways to farm out the things you don't like to do. Don't like to iron? Consider sending them to the cleaner and use this extra time to focus on your family. Don't like to clean but love to cook? Trade chores with household members or with a girlfriend who loves to do the things you don't.
How Mothers Can Focus on the Family and Get Their Work Done
The day you die your inbox will have messages unanswered, your laundry hamper will hold dirty clothes and your to do list will have items left incomplete. But on that day, will you look back and feel that your focus on the family was a fulfilling parenting journey, or sadly realize it had become a chore you felt you had to do?
Make certain your focus on the family is satisfying by choosing to balance your work and family by finally hanging up your "Super Mom" cape and letting others help you.
There is no rule book that says mothers have to do everything around the home to keep a family running smoothly. It is just a role some of us seem eager to take on. But it is just that, a role. One you can slip out of and into something a little less demanding.
