Every decision has its consequences. Everyone learns this--some easier than others. Some people have to learn the “hard way”. Some learn early from the discipline of parents that there are consequences to actions. But as parents, how can we chose the right discipline for our child?

One of the most simple, effective, and oldest methods of discipline--as well as teaching them self-control--is to use “if, then” consequences. (“IF you do not finish your peas, THEN you get no dessert.”) If you are having problems with your child, this is an easy way to help your child make good decisions, and has been proven to bring about quick changes to any child.

Before beginning to use this method, there are a few things parents need to understand:

1. There is a world of difference between "punishing" your child and "disciplining" her. Punishment is meant to show power and strength, but little love. Discipline teaches a child what behavior they exhibited that was unacceptable, and helps them to understand why. Children also learn what you want them to do next time.

2. Always tell your child that the behavior--not her, is unacceptable. Do not assume that your child knows this, tell her every time you need to discipline her.

3. Rewards for good behavior should not be monetary, nor should they be expensive gifts. We parents do not get money, cars, expensive gifts, etc., for doing the right thing, and we do not want to teach our children that she will be rewarded for doing the right thing. Rewards should be based on the effort your child makes, not necessarily a perfect outcome.

4. Be consistent! Children thrive on consistency. If he gets away with something once, he'll try it again. Being inconsistent not only aggravates you, but can exacerbate the situation.

5. Make sure both parents are on the same page, and are consistent. (Ever since there have been children and parents, children have been telling Dad "But Mom said…" or vice versa.)

Think of consequences if your child continues the action (no TV, no computer or video games, no phone privileges, removing things from her room, etc.). Make sure that the consequence will have some value to your child. There is no point of taking away TV time if your child has a video game system in his room, or spends all of her time on the cell phone.

In addition to the consequences, make a list of rewards your child can earn. The consequences and rewards may even be something you may want to discuss with your child. Ask him what should be taken away if he fails a class, and what he should receive if he makes his goals.

As your child realizes that you are serious, and both parents are going to be consistent, most behavior problems begin to decrease. If the behavior does not, there may be additional causes for your child's behavior, and you may want to look into professional help for your child. However, if there are no additional causes, the result of this will be better communication, fewer power struggles, and more quality time.